All's not lost yet....

I once read an article by Subroto Bagchi in the Times of India, and it has been up in my room ever since. It provided a very reliable, though not very easy, solution to one of life's biggest problems. I quote
"We live in difficult times. As people born of tradition, we are more comfortable when there is always someone to show us the path. It deflects our burden of responsibilty to make our decisions. Whatever the reason, we learn to look up to people. Sometimes some of them fail, but we have learnt to take it in our stride. What makes ours a particularly difficult time is that we are seeing so many of them fail at the same time. Some of us feel devastated. Some take it as the signal and the justification to match the conduct or the failing; "If the whole world is this way, why not I?" Sometimes, however, we are fortunate enough to be able to make sense of what's going on to make our own choices. Each of us is an independent, intelligent individual. What the environment around us does is mostly beyond our control. What we decide to deduce and work upon is a function of the choices that we make.
In these turbulent times, when role models fail, we have to make our own choices. When, we do that, we realise that sometimes it is not as hard as it seems to be..."

I was a starry eyed youngster when I came to college. I genuinely wanted to join politics, clean up our bureaucracy, change the world, make a difference and what not. Somewhere on the way, I got lost. From being an ambitious idealist, I started trudging on the road to cynicism. I saw a role model drown in a sea of alcohol and indifference. I saw control of something I considered as hallowed being given to an incredibly incompetent wannabe. I had to work with an over verbose, good for nothing loser whose speciality was shoving his work on others. I saw teachers who didn't want to take classes because the weather was so good. I saw friends who refused to acknowledge my work just because it was 'lit oriented' and unfortunately the college I was studying in was called Manipal Institute of Technology rather than Manipal Institute of Communication. I'm about to be forced to bring about an offical college newsletter called DAMMIT. I have lost count of how many times I've cried in the last two months. There was so much unprofessionalism around, so much stupidity, and so few people seemed to know that everything that was happening was so wrong. Unfortunately, none of us were in a position where we could change that. And then somewhere, I stopped caring. Everything seeemed impossible. I said, "I think we need to become more practical". That day, my best friend told me, "When you said that, a part of you died inside you forever." It tore me apart but I knew it was true. Stuck in a sea of megalomaniacs, egotists and people filled with severe inferiority complexes, and another set of people pandering to their egos, I was literally in the 'I' of the storm. everything was like, "because I don't like it." "because I'm not free today." "because I want it done this way." "because I'm watching a movie and will do it later." I thought maybe I was finally seeing the real world where this level of unprofessionalism was the way of life. Maybe my ideal world had been a utopia all along. Maybe not everyone did a job for the sheer pleasure of doing it, but for getting somewhere or the other.

And then I came across the new issue of Outlook- 12 reasons to celebrate, examples of excellence in unlikely places. Instinctively, I picked it up, as though this was exactly what I needed.
I found my answers in an LLB who is the Sarpanch of gopalpura village in rajasthan, Savita Rathi. she must have fought against every opposition against change, aginst the deep rooted prejudice about a woman giving orders to a bunch of patriarchal, hookah smoking, old men. She must've fought against all the bureucratic hurdles to get grants, she must gone door to door to get donations, for building all the civic facilities. But at the end of it, today, gopalpura is one india's most successful panchayats.
I found a mid day meal scheme for over 1 lakh kids below class V in hyderabad and secunderabad. I found the girls of Loreto Sealdah teaching underprivileged kids from the nearby slums and villages. I found world class doctors dedicating their lives to the cause of saving over 200 lives everyday in the government hospital at Nanded, maharashtra.

You know what, if I try hard enough, maybe I'll still make it. Maybe this struggle is a necessary gauntlet. Maybe this is the test of fire to make fine steel. Maybe it won't be that difficult in the end. Considering what the above people have accomplished and sacrificed, my problems seem so much smaller.

'LET IT BE' by the Beatles plays on repeat yet again as I write this. I'm finally seeing light at the end of this dark dark tunnel. I'll find a way out. I surely will.